In my life this week..
I am too focused on the 'what ifs' of the future. I feel stressed because I'm trying to plan what we'll be doing and where that will lead us to a certain location. I realize that I need to focus more on the present. What's that saying.. Yesterday was history, Tomorrow is a mystery, and Today is a gift. I am an impatient person. I always have to know things now and cannot wait. If I want something, I'll find a way to get it. My impatience is something I know God wants me to work on because I constantly am reminded to just relax and let things happen. I guess I should listen to that advice.
I am inspired by..
Homeschools moms. I have recently taken an interest in mothers who homeschool their children. I would love to be an educator to my children and have the patience of one of 'those moms' who homeschool 4+ kids. Heck if they can do it with that many kids and still stay sane, I hopefully can do it with 2. I heard a message on KWave radio (Talks about the Word of God) that was talking about how God wants us to homeschool our children. He wants us to be the teachers to our children so we can inhibit in them the ways of God. We can give them something through education and through The Word that no school can ever do.
Certainly not everyone can afford to send their children to a private Christian school. I would LOVE to be able to do that for my children because I want them having an education in a positive Christian environment surrounded by believers. I also want them to go to a school that does not have restriction on professing your faith. I want them to find inspiration in their faith every day and have good influences in teachers and peers. Now don't think that view Christian schools through rose colored glasses because I know that no school is perfect. I know that they will have their fair share of faults and not every student will be a good influence. I do look at it as a priviledge to attend there though.
Places we're going and people we're seeing
Today I took Jonah and Leila to see Winnie the Pooh the movie. Their cousin Jax and his mommy "Auntie Jen" came along and we watched it together. They all did very well in the theater eating their popcorn and drinking from their water bottles. I would love to take J&L to a waterpark this week or next weekend. This is the hottest time of year and I would love to get in some water just as much as they would. I don't think I would fit in their little plastic blow up pool out in the yard though..
What's working/not working for us
Daycare is great for them. It's great for me. I have made a downshift in my school schedule so instead of going every day like they have, they are just going to go 3 days a week. I miss having them full-time. I know it used to drive me nuts because it was so rare that I got a break, but I really miss just spending full days with them. I know that I am doing something good for them by getting them out of the house and letting them gain independance away from mommy. They interact with other kids, learn to take direction from other adults in charge, go to phonics and learn letters, make projects, and strengthen their gross motor skills.
What's not working for us.. well, it's always a struggle just having them on my own without Jason. It's just tough being a single parent. The babies struggle with not having that father figure in their life to guide them and play with them and tuck them into bed. I know that they had security with Jason being their daddy and seeing him as the head of the household. Now they have 3 new figures in their every day lives.. my mom, step-dad, and brother.
Questions/thoughts I have
Will I ever be "one of those" loving, patient, nurturing moms? Or do those not REALLY exist? I feel like I yell too much, I'm too hard on them, I snap at them. I know a part of it is my natural strictness, but I also realize that I need to cool it sometimes. Other moms with multiples that might act like this too, are you out there????
I'm reading
Currently I don't have anything in my hands at the moment which is rare because I am usually ALWAYS reading a little bit of a handful of books. But since I do not have any of my personal things here at my mother's house, I am making a wish list of books to order used off of Amazon such as some Feng Shui readings.
I am grateful for
My husband supporting our family by living in the extremely hot desert of Afghanistan for 364 days of his life, away from his family and everything familiar and comforting. I appreciate that he supports us while I have the freedom to choose what career I want to do and pursue that. I am grateful that he accepts the fact that I change my mind every other second about everything. He is a faithful and supportive to me.
Leila and Jonah eating shaved ice and manapua at the Ho'olaulea (Hawaiian festival)
3 comments:
My mom didn't snap at her twins much when they were young I mean she did when she was having a difficult time or her health was bugging her, but nothing abnormal. and she also had older children and a husband around to help with things. My other friend with twins is rather quiet in general, she also has a husband and a fabulous babysitter (me)- Just kidding! So i would guess it's the environment, what you are use to, and what's been working. and I wouldn't call it snapping- it's a quick firm tone. and in my opinion you are doing just fine!
First I have to say, I love this post and I love you! I really like the way you write your blog and I think we're on the same page in a lot of ways. It's nice to know there is another mom thinking the same things I am.
I read something recently in Parents magazine I think, about practicing the buddhist principle of focusing on "now". I don't remember it word for word and couldn't find it when I went to look it up but it basically says that the past has already happened and the future hasn't happened yet so all we can do is focus on what we are doing currently before moving on to the next thing. I think us moms try to multitask too much sometimes and that just causes more stress. So try to remember to stop, take a deep breath and move on.
I have also been thinking about homeschooling recently! I'm glad you brought it up because I have been feeling the EXACT same way! Part of me wants to homeschool because I know it would be good for him but I just don't know if I could handle it. It seems like a lot of work and honestly I don't think I am smart enough to teach him past like 3rd grade (atleast when it comes to math :P). For now I am going to try out a 2 day a week preschool at a local church and see what happens.
I think you are doing a great job with them just from the little I've seen when you were here. I also feel that I yell a bit too much sometimes and I'm working on it. It's hard and you are not alone so don't worry about being "one of thoes" moms. Just be you. Remind yourself to act the way you want your kids to (speaking in a nice voice, not yelling or hitting, looking in their face to talk instead of from accross the room) and hopefully that will help. I have to remind myself of that daily and it doesn't always happen :P
Hey Babe,
Of course I'm keeping up more now. I lost the link when I switched to this computer, which is a weak excuse, but at least I'm honest.
Andi, wouldn't it be cool if we could get a group of us together who all have kids and have our own trusted support group of homeschooling teachers, just in case we get into a subject that we're not good at? Plus, from what I hear, homeschooling has gotten a lot more user friendly.
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