What He's been laying on my heart

God has been doing some work with me. He's been laying something particular on my heart.  Let me just first say that during the twins' first years of life, I really struggled with being a stay at home mom to twins. I'm not going to lie. There were many times where I just didn't know if I wanted to do it anymore. Yet before they were born, I dreamed of having my own children. It was difficult for us to have kids. I thought I was one of those women who might not have children. And now that I had two, I wasn't being grateful for what God had blessed me with.

It is always so that when those hard times have passed and we are able to look back, we can see clearer. I look back at myself and what a stressball I was and now it is a lot calmer, being that the twins are older. 

I appreciate them more now. Our blood, sweat, and tears were well worth it. I love them at this age. I feel like since they were my first children and it was my first time as a mom, we are all growing together. We are doing this thing called "you're the kids and I'm the parent" together. It's all trial and error with our first ones. 

With all that being said, you know how I have been trying to figure out what God wants me to do in this life? (Well, Jason and myself.)

I feel like God is laying on my heart a love for my children. A different love that I haven't had before. I have this overwhelming sense of wanting to hold on for dear life and just love them and love them some more. I am seeing them grow up right before me and I just want to slow down time somehow. God is placing on my heart something bigger. He put a seed in my heart and it is taking root. 

You know how God gives us our own special things we are good at? Well I I know mine is children. I would love to open up my heart to having more children. Yes, our own. Yes, fostering children. And yes, adopting! Jason and I are open to it all. It is just a matter of when God decides it is the right time. For now, our hearts are in it and our prayers are in it. We need God to  bless Jason with a full time civilian job to support our family for when he gets out of the Army this year or early next year. We need to make sure that we can provide for the four of us before we accept responsibility for another one of God's children.

That is exactly how I think of these fostered children that we want to love and make a home for: they are God's children. Without parents, they truly are His. God calls His people to care for orphans and we feel we are called to do that in this life. 

Please pray that God will bless Jason with a full time civilian job. Thank you friends!