We are finally at that phase of the deployment where homecoming doesn't seem so far away. I guess it's not so sweet for us in this situation because although Jason will be done with his deployment, doesn't necessarily mean he's returning home so we can be a family... sure he'll get to come home for leave, but then he'll have to return back to Germany.
Long story short, the kids and I have to stay here in the states and he has to finish up his tour in Germany for another 1 1/2 years. Or 20 months. That sounds shorter. I am not looking forward to this additional time apart right after a 12 month deployment. It is by far the most challenging things I've had to deal with in my life. Deployments don't bring people together. They are destructive and stressful on all parties. It doesn't matter how strong one's marriage is; the fact of spending 12 months apart from your spouse, especially when you have a child or children to take care of, it is physically and emotionally difficult.
I feel like my life without Jason in it is living in limbo. I don't know when we're going to be together again, I don't know where were going to end up living or what I should be doing in the mean time. Our life is crazy right now. I feel lost and confused with my daily routine and educational goals. I won't go into details, but I will just say that I don't need advice, I just need prayer for patience and clarity.
I just want to ask God right now what His plans for me are. Don't we all.. I know I need to be patient. I just can't help but think about this every single day since I am still waiting on when Jason and I will be reunited as a family- permanently. Everything is so temporary with being active duty military and I yearn for stability. If we're going to stay active, which we are not because Jason wants to get out, then my full heart would be in the military lifestyle 100%. But I know Jason is NOT reenlisting and he IS getting out of the military at the end of his term, so that will leave us starting a brand new life as civilians. One that we have never experienced together as a married couple. I would love to stay in. He would love to get out. So we are working through our compromises right now. AHHHH it's just so frustrating being young and still working on our careers and establishing our life.
Well, thanks for listening, friend.
1 comment:
Praying for you girlie!!! All I know about those "waiting times" is to be open.. God has a hilarious sense of humor in that He likes to teach little things when all you want is an answer.
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