There have been several things this year that I have prayed about and I get frustrated because I haven't received a definite yes or no answer or just what we should do. Certain things haven't been clear and I haven't been sure why I've been praying and not receiving an answer.
For example, we've known for a while that Jason is getting medically discharged out of the Army, but we haven't been for sure on a date. It's hard to plan for the future when we aren't sure 1. When he's getting out 2. What kind of job he will get 3. If it will be enough to sustain us in our current living means 4. If we might need to search elsewhere for a job.
I have prayed. Jason and I have talked until there is nothing more we can talk about. We have explored what every option could be. Finally, this month we received his date to get out of the Army a.k.a. the date we stop getting paid. It's a little scary. Okay I lied, it's very scary. Then God came back to us and He delivered. He blessed us with a few things that have been more than we can ask for.
So here is another example. when you face an obstacle and then more things keep going wrong one after another to the point where you are questioning whether these are "signs" from God.. what do you do? Are all these inconveniences that are happening right now signs from God that maybe we should not go down this path?
That was a question that Jason and I were faced with a few weeks ago. I kept asking myself, "Is this your answer God? Is this You giving me a sign?" I talked with a trusted friend about my concerns and she eased my concerns. Sometimes God will not give us yes or no or even direct answers. So then if I am praying, how can I know what He wants for me? She said that God might just give us peace about something or discontentment. This was encouraging to hear because I have been giving peace about our situation.
However, if I have such peace about this, and Jason does as well, why are we getting thrown all these inconveniences that are deterring us from our plan? Are these signs from God that He does not want this for us or is this Satan trying to stop us from God's plan for us? What do all of these inconveniences/obstacles mean? Why did these happen? Is there a reason for these things happening? Why why why!? They must mean something, right? I am an analytical person and I need reasons and answers for everything.
I have questioned this to my mom and other people I confide in and it's hard to know what it is even for us that are in this circumstance. I still have such great peace about it. Peace, peace, I feel like I have used that word so many times these past few weeks. It's true though. Peace not only that this is something I feel is right and that I want, but I feel peace that this is the path towards God.
Another comforting thing my friend mentioned is that God does not control us like little chess pieces on a board. I really liked that analogy because it helped me to realize that God does not make every little thing happen. So maybe all of these hurdles are happening simply because things happen in life. Now it's up to us to decide how we will react toward this. Which way will we get closer to God?
So the verdict as of right now is that with all of this left in our laps, we are not going to let it shake us. We have our ultimate goal in our minds that we need to keep focus on because it will lead us closer to God.
I hope this could help you if you are a woman like me that reads a little too much into certain things happening. It is encouraging to know that God doesn't play with us or control every little thing that happens. We are free. The way we want God to answer us isn't always the way in which God chooses to answer us. So in the future, I will open my heart into receiving an answer, even if it is being at peace with something.
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