First things first. I am not in nursing school anymore. I changed my major back to Secondary Ed. I just can't stay away from what I really need to do in life. Since July I have been enrolled at Grand Canyon University online. It's a private Christian school and I am absolutely happy with the decision I've made. I love the values of the school and my classes are already great because we have open discussions about Christianity.
I've not totally jumped ship from my diet, but I have been slacking in the strict healthy eating part. I have been exercising by going to a few fitness classes like Hot Hula and Zumba. Need to hop back on the bandwagon with P90X. The point is that I need to get back with it because I am at a stand still with my weight. Time is a-tickin and I ain't gettin any skinner for when Jason comes home for R&R.......... which I am getting excited about!!
I'm taking the babies to the Grand Canyon in a few days. I still refer to them as the babies. I know they are not technically babies anymore. They are my babies. I never want to call them "the twins" though because I feel like that title can eventually subliminally send a message to Jonah and Leila as not being individuals, but rather just "the twins". I want them to know they are unique and original and two seperate people. So I'd rather not start the habit of calling them "the twins" early on.
It's time to take a trip and do something new so that is why we decided to see one of the Seven Wonders of the World. I really want to take this time to spend with just us three. We will be spending a lot of time in the car and I know I will be tested of my patience. It's not going to be easy for them either. I do know that we are prepared for a fun-filled car ride with movies, kid cd's, new toys, snacks, and a lot of stops along the way. I can't wait! I am so excited to go on a road trip with them.
I am just dreaming about the day I can look Jason in the eyes when he's right in front of me and I can actually touch his face again. 7 months have gone by since we've seen each other. I can hardly describe what that feels like. Only someone who's gone through it before can know. All I can say is that for as much as he is my husband, he feels like just a picture that I look at and sometimes chat with on Skype. Even then, he's a big blob on Skype and he usually can never talk back because the people around him are sleeping so it's us doing the talking on our end and the babies just looking at this blurry image of what looks like their daddy in uniform. When I read his e-mails I can hear his voice in my head talking as I read.
My days are now spent trying to figure out how to fill my/our time. The babies and I need to get out on our own and just be our own family again. Moving back in with your parents with your own kids is difficult in general. In a sense I have lost my identity as a wife and mother since I do not have my husband to remind me that I am his wife and I have my own mother who is like a second mother to my kids. It's hard. It's a hard situation to continue to live with.
I would give anything to be able to be with Jason again for just 5 minutes. Being apart for a good length of time lets a person evaluate their life and realize what is truly important. God and your family. That is all that really matters in this life. Everything else is just.... everything else.
I just pray that God grants me patience with life. I pray for our soldiers and service members deployed. I pray that God protects my husband and brings him home to us alive and well.
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