Deployment: Month 3

It's been 3, almost 4 months since I've seen Jason. The first 2 months, it wasn't hurting as much to be apart as I had imagined it. I was so busy with starting school, living back at my parents house, taking care of the kids, and just adjusting to our new life minus a husband/daddy, that I didn't have time to just sit and think about how much I miss him. Of course I missed him like crazy, but not to the point where it hurts....

but now.. going into month 4 of him being gone, it's starting to hurt. Sure, I've established a routine with the kids every day and I still am busier than ever, but distance is definitely making my heart grow fonder. I only talk to Jason over the phone maybe once a week if not less than that. He is able to e-mail me quite often though. So that is where the primary communication is with our relationship right now. E-mail is all we have, and thank GOD for that.

The babies and I have our routine. We wake up early every morning, change their diapers, brush teeth, get them dressed, then get myself ready, put everyone's shoes on, grab my stuff and head out the door to their daycare. After I drop them off at school, I head to school myself about 25 minutes away. School all day. At my 0930 break, I often get online to talk to Jason on chat. It's my little 20 minutes of peace where I go in the computer lab, put on the headphones and listen to 95.9 the Fish, Christian radio station online, and talk to Jason. Then I get out of school later and either do homework, study for a test, go volunteer at this other nursing home, or run errands before I pick the kids up. I do my clinicals right now at one long term-care facility (nursing home) and I also volunteer at a separate facility so I can have more to put on my resume in the future.

Sometimes we go to their grammy's house after I pick the babies up because they LOVE going to grammy's house. Sometimes we'll just come straight back home if it's getting late already. Dinner, brush teeth and put jammies on, then they lay down in their beds. I stay up a little later catching up on e-mails. Then I go to bed too late every night even though I promise myself each night I'll go to bed early tomomorrow night because it is NOT worth how I feel when I wake up!
Then we'll wake up and start the day over again.

My favorite part of the day is:

1. At night when the babies are put to bed, everything is cleaned and homework is done, and I can just lay in peace in my own little bed on the ground and watch tv and surf the web. It's my down time.

2. When I pick up the babies from school. The second I open that door, all the kids look and Jonah and Leila see me and come running to me with these huge smiles on their faces with their arms all open ready to hug me. And I hug each of them in my arms so tight and give them kisses. Then they proceed to tell me about their day and what projects they worked on.

3. My morning break when I get to talk to Jason online. It's so good to just see his words on the screen live.. it's even better than an e-mail. I can just imagine his voice saying what is on the screen. It makes it so real. I really miss him.

Oh and I am not even beginning a countdown, so don't ask me how long till he comes back home because I am not going to start thinking or looking at numbers for a while. We still have a long ways to go and that's all either of us need to know. We don't need to count down days lol. That is just too depressing this early in the game.

One thing that is keeping me and Jason close is knowing that God is with both of us through this time. Jason's e-mails can do a lot for me and my day, especially if he is in the inspirational mood and talks about how God is doing so much for our lives. I feel myself becoming closer with God because I need that extra love in my life to fill what is temporarily and physically gone (Jason). God is providing that Father figure in my life and my kids' lives. Not to say that when Jason gets back, God will be pushed aside, but God is doing a really good job at stepping up to the plate and helping to ease my lonliness. He really helps me out in so many ways and I am so grateful for that, not only now while Jason is deployed, but before and after and all the rest of my days.